We R Who We R

I listen to some pretty crazy hardcore music at times, and people usually either love it, hate it, or scream, "TO HELL WITH THE DEVIL" and run out. My personal favorite was when an older guy came up to me and asked, "what's that really low noise that it keeps making? It goes doo doo doo." I sat and thought, "Uhm bass?" He replied, "Yeah make that stop, it hurts."

However, you know why I started even listening to my awesome scenester music to begin with? No, it isn't because I was trying to cover up the years prior where I openly endorsed N'SYNC, or because I think I may have at some point owned a Nickelback cd. Sorry world but in actuality; Freshman year I had a crush on a girl, and guess what she listened to? Yeah, that's right. I listen to an entire genre of music to this day because I tried to be cool my freshman year.

So before we go and bust out our nostalgic Underoath and Hawthorne Heights shirts let's figure this out.

When I was a sophomore I used to have my dad drop me off at the local shows every weekend. You know what happened there? Sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Also, there was alcohol...loooooooots of alcohol, and Black and Milds everywhere. I never did any of it. I just listened to the music and left every single week. I wanted so badly to be cool, but I didn't want the consequences of the idiocy that came with it.

Is that who I am? If so, I am a poser.

When I was dating a particular girl who dressed up every single week for church. Over the course of time I began to also dress up out of respect. Now we are no longer together, and guess what? I show up rocking my skinny jeans, my Rob Bell-esqe glasses, and with my Bible on my phone(gasp!).

If that's who I am? Then who was I? A poser.

At the end of the day I think somehow my journey from punk scenester to Bible college student to who I am now will come in handy someday. However, for right now all I have are stories about listening to Ohio Is For Lovers at 3am, and lighting a chair on fire for no reason in my dorm with my roommates in college. Pyromania is not an appropriate pasttime, but a fantastic Def Leppard album.

If we are all the product of our decisions, and all mine have shaped me into this. What have I become?
If everything happens for a reason yet I remain the same at the core. Who am I?

Myself.