Nerdrage

(Apologies for the TWO hour setback. Blogger was giving me some formatting problems I couldn't dispatch.)


I am writing this from the opposite end of a posting feed. Meaning if you are reading this, Blogger has so sufficiently angered me that I have actually started writing a fresh post rather than deal with the plethora of errors I am being fed. This. Is. Nerdrage.

For those that are new to the internet world of memebase and trolling I am going to give you a quick walkthrough so that you understand both the internet and the strange terminologies I use a tad better.

The art of trolling is really rather simple. It is posting/saying something intentionally to get a rise out of someone, or in some cases to so confuse the other person that they actually try to help you. For example:

Someone facebook posts: "I <3 Super Mario!"
Troll: "Donkey Kong is better."
Someone: "No freaking way! Super Mario is a much better game that has way more to do than flipping Donkey Kong!"
*troll leaves*
Other Random Person: "I wouldn't say that now.."

Mission Accomplished.
This may seem stupid, but is by far the best thing to do to someone since the discovery of sarcasm, and I STILL have to explain sarcasm to people, and it's 2011. Fail.

So first lesson you should all take to heart. If you see someone saying something like this..no matter how much you want to say something. Fight the urge. Do NOT feed the trolls. They live off anger, wit, and other's lack of willpower and intelligence.

If you haven't figured it out yet. This post is significantly below what I intended to write today. You win this fight blogger, but I will return with a horse and enough magnets to make your server immediately ragequit.

Magnets, how do they work?

My favorite example of trolling:

We are not saying this body wash will turn your man into a romantic jet fighter pilot, but we are insinuating it.

Home

So this Thursday I officially have to go house hunting. I'm hoping it will be sort of like an episode of well..anything on the TLC network. Maybe I can buy something really hideous and then have my family send in a really sad video journal of how I deserve a nicer home, and that I've been through a lot. Maybe I'll be some form of rare disease survivor. Uh..I had scarlet fever once. I think that used to be deadly, like a century ago. Does that count? Probably not.

I am hoping that I find something at least half way decent that doesn't involve me living in a gated community though. Most people think gates are a good sign, but when I see gates all I can think is, "Uh oh, what kind of horrible debauchery happens across the street?"

Because putting up a physical fence between you and something is just about as offensive as you can get. You are basically saying. "No no no. You can keep doing your thing. I just don't want to see it...or you. In fact lets just pretend this is a magical forcefield. Climbing is cheating by the way."

Perhaps I'll get an apartment, but then be hip and call it a flat just because I can. Maybe, I'll get a "economical" apartment but then call it my studio so I appear more artsy. I might even get a townhouse and call it a loft, and then fill it with couches I'll call sofas and loveseats, because I'm classy like that.

To be honest though I'd be content with a nice RV. That is just about as hipster as you can get if you play it right. One day when the abandoned parking lot you're living in gets bought out and turned into a nice thriving neighborhood. You can proudly move out able to say, "I lived here before it was cool." Then do a nice hair flip and drive off into the sunset.

Yeah, my future looks promising.

Dreamcatcher

Last night I couldn't sleep. So like all good americans I decided to see what was on the tv, and like always the answer was nothing. So as the hours ticked by I decided to check out netflix. In the mood for something scary I slowly scroll through the horror section, and then that little voice in the back of my head stopped my mouse over the name Dreamcatcher.

I'm not sure who is to blame for this, but someone at some point, possibly 15 years ago told me that Dreamcatcher was a good movie. I don't know who it was, but if my memory someday gives me your name I will find you, and hurt your face.

Dreamcatcher is the perfect Netflix bait. It has an interesting name, and the cover isn't an evil clown. It's by Stephen King and it stars MORGAN FREEMAN. C'mon, I trusted you Morgan, and you let me down.

The movie essentially begins with 4 best friends that are somehow psychically intertwined because of their FRIENDSHIP. Okay, okay. I can maybe buy that. As the story progresses you find out that they each have a sort of special power that was bestowed upon them by a mentally retarded kid they rescued from some bullies in perhaps the most unrealistic flashback I have EVER seen.

Okay, they then decide to have a vacation in a really nice log cabin somewhere past Massachusetts. Guess what. A blizzard comes in, and then they stumble upon a man who was lost in the woods. So obviously since they have magical powers they HAVE to help him. No biggie.

Here's where Stephen King apparently ran out of material.

The man is terribly sick and carrying an alien in his body that he poops out.
No, I am not kidding. You then find out that Morgan Freeman is in charge of a special branch of the military that fights aliens all the time, but we've never heard about it. Then Morgan Freeman goes on a poop alien killing spree. Uhhhhh.
Then you find out that one alien took over one of the 4 friends bodies, and is going to attack the Boston water system. Ummm.
Then Morgan Freeman somehow steals a military grade helicopter and starts trying to kill everyone.
What?
Then you find out the mentally retarded kid wearing a Red Sox jacket and carrying a Scooby Doo lunch box was actually a good alien all along and he saves the day while somehow still being adorably retarded.

THE END

My mind was blown, and I truly don't think any story I ever hear from anyone will ever surprise me now. Seriously, Stephen King has ruined me. I will never be able to look at the mentally handicapped the same ever again. In fact, I will probably have to fight the urge to believe them if they say they have super powers now.

PS The title Dreamcatcher has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Of course this entire movie is driven by absolutely idiotic plot points so I can't really be upset. Although you can't watch it without being surprised. Who would have guessed that evil aliens had British accents?

Have you ever seen a movie that just made you go....&%^%(*^*&%*#E*&%&?!?!1!?