Dreamcatcher

Last night I couldn't sleep. So like all good americans I decided to see what was on the tv, and like always the answer was nothing. So as the hours ticked by I decided to check out netflix. In the mood for something scary I slowly scroll through the horror section, and then that little voice in the back of my head stopped my mouse over the name Dreamcatcher.

I'm not sure who is to blame for this, but someone at some point, possibly 15 years ago told me that Dreamcatcher was a good movie. I don't know who it was, but if my memory someday gives me your name I will find you, and hurt your face.

Dreamcatcher is the perfect Netflix bait. It has an interesting name, and the cover isn't an evil clown. It's by Stephen King and it stars MORGAN FREEMAN. C'mon, I trusted you Morgan, and you let me down.

The movie essentially begins with 4 best friends that are somehow psychically intertwined because of their FRIENDSHIP. Okay, okay. I can maybe buy that. As the story progresses you find out that they each have a sort of special power that was bestowed upon them by a mentally retarded kid they rescued from some bullies in perhaps the most unrealistic flashback I have EVER seen.

Okay, they then decide to have a vacation in a really nice log cabin somewhere past Massachusetts. Guess what. A blizzard comes in, and then they stumble upon a man who was lost in the woods. So obviously since they have magical powers they HAVE to help him. No biggie.

Here's where Stephen King apparently ran out of material.

The man is terribly sick and carrying an alien in his body that he poops out.
No, I am not kidding. You then find out that Morgan Freeman is in charge of a special branch of the military that fights aliens all the time, but we've never heard about it. Then Morgan Freeman goes on a poop alien killing spree. Uhhhhh.
Then you find out that one alien took over one of the 4 friends bodies, and is going to attack the Boston water system. Ummm.
Then Morgan Freeman somehow steals a military grade helicopter and starts trying to kill everyone.
What?
Then you find out the mentally retarded kid wearing a Red Sox jacket and carrying a Scooby Doo lunch box was actually a good alien all along and he saves the day while somehow still being adorably retarded.

THE END

My mind was blown, and I truly don't think any story I ever hear from anyone will ever surprise me now. Seriously, Stephen King has ruined me. I will never be able to look at the mentally handicapped the same ever again. In fact, I will probably have to fight the urge to believe them if they say they have super powers now.

PS The title Dreamcatcher has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Of course this entire movie is driven by absolutely idiotic plot points so I can't really be upset. Although you can't watch it without being surprised. Who would have guessed that evil aliens had British accents?

Have you ever seen a movie that just made you go....&%^%(*^*&%*#E*&%&?!?!1!?