The Cave

I am becoming scared I'm losing my creative way of writing.

Is this how Picasso felt as he entered his 'blue' phase? Was he just hanging out in his cruddy apartment(he was an artist after all) with nothing but a paintbrush and easel thinking, "I have a whole lot of blue paint just chilling here, and I don't want to have to go back to Hobby Lobby for more red...this will have to do."

It's not that I can't make funny movie references, because I have plenty of those. Right now, I'm being very Donnie Darko-ish. I'm full of concepts and thoughts, but I can't express them in the limited amount of time provided without making a crappy sequel no one wanted. Also, if a talking bunny named Frank shows up I am freaking out of here.

It's not that I don't have loads of stories to share, because I do. Our pet Great Pyrenees, which we are pretty sure is some sort of evil clumsy reincarnate of our previous dog, has learned a new trick. She is named Sugar but don't let that fool you. The second you turn around she will rush you, bite your pant leg, and attempt to pants you. She has been successful on every attempt so far. Someone for the love of all that is good and holy buy my family belts!

I think I just need a more effective schedule. My body doesn't really have one which is sometimes great! For example: Both the trip to Vegas and back I was primarily awake the entire 16 hours. Which was a good thing since evidently every time I fell asleep, whoever was driving also began to doze...it is a miracle I am alive. However, it can also be a very bad thing. You know that whole I stayed up almost the entire 16hr drive thing? Yeah, I slept for almost a full day yesterday. No joke. I am like the Lil Wayne of sleeping.

One month I will release 15 different singles, remixes, and co-produced songs. The next, I will be in jail, sleeping. I'm almost positive that's why he disappears for months at a time. Dude is just exhausted, and I can understand that. *fist pound*

Can I add that to my bucket list?
#11 fist pound Lil Wayne and share a recognition nod.
Done.

Oh wow. I just wrote an entire post about nothing...
You see my problem here?
I may be becoming the Joel Osteen of blogging.
Sure, I'm saying a lot, but you didn't really learn anything.


Please help me...also someone buy me a belt...seriously. I can hear the dog coming.
*cowers*

Waking Up In Vegas(Vegas Trip Part 2)

So we made it to Vegas, and now we made it back home. What was it like you ask? Well, I find it best to describe like this:

You know the annoying girl in every mall that grabs women and does the whole 'can I straighten your hair' thing?

Okay, imagine that...every five feet...down several miles of road.

But here is the kicker. They aren't trying to straighten your hair. They want to either A: Get you 'special' passes to a strip club or B: Get you a prostitute. That's it. 

So on that note. Do NOT ever bring children here. There is literally porn in vending machines on the street corners, and prostitute wallet pictures blowing down the street like they are trading cards. As one random man said after being handed several cards, "Whoa, when we get back to the hotel we are going to battle." It was like a game of adult pokemon. "Mercedes the college drop out I choose you!"

I couldn't even count how many times we were asked, "Hey, you guys going to a strip club?" to which we answered "no?" Then they said, "ahhhhh c'mon now. I'll even get you a free limo. It's VEGASSSS" To which Franklin would walk away and leave Kyle and I to the wolves. Then Kyle would use that stupid app on his iphone where he faked a phone call and walked away. Leaving me to try and ninja out of the awkward situation without being handed pornographic trading cards. Which is nearly impossible.

However, it's crazy that you can look around the strip, and be absolutely astounded at the beauty and just all out coolness of everything. I mean where else in the world will you find a Michael Jackson impersonator right up the street from a guy in a Bumblebee transformer suit? Besides a mental institution not many places. You are essentially in the most beautiful degrading mess of a city you will ever see.

I now understand why people do stupid things in Vegas though. It's like going to a Braums and trying to avoid ice cream. Bad decisions are just everywhere. Fortunately, I didn't do anything stupid...*cough*. Just kidding, but seriously. I was an angel, honestly.

Trust me.

You Won't Know

Sometimes I can't be as funny as I would like.
I write and write, and edit and edit. Still too serious, and no one wants to read serious.
Sometimes I can't do it.

Today, I was on the Vegas strip for hours with my best friends and some very nice girls(not strippers). Yet, I stared at the black screen on my phone for the little green notification light to flash every few seconds. There was no family crisis or necessary conversation taking place. I was in Vegas surrounded by absolutely anything I could possibly want to do, and I wanted a freaking text message. That's it.

There you go world. You now know the secret to my happiness.

Sometimes it's the littlest things in life that make you happy.
Sometimes having someone just miss you while you are gone is better than anything else.
Sometimes temporary happiness is one little green notification light away.

I wish I could choke down emotions like everyone else my age chokes down liquor, but alas I am without.

Someday I will be more mature, and then I won't care so much.
Someday I will no longer need to vent mindlessly into my writing.
Someday, but not now.

I think at the core I just want to mean something to someone.
That's it.

Someday I will find that.
Someday, but not right here, and not right now it seems.


"So they say, "in heaven there's no husbands and wives." Well, on the day that I go up they'll be completely out of their forgiveness supplies; And I can't use the telephone to tell you that I'm dead and I'm gone, so you won't know. You won't know."

Who Said We're Wack

Despite popular belief all of the natural good looks and charm I possess had to come from somewhere. My dad, just happened to be the one carrying a lot of the magical traits that seem to have defined my personality.
For example:
I love Def Leppard.
I love women.
I love video games.
And I love women who will listen to Def Leppard while playing video games. I haven't met one yet, but that has to exist!

You see, when I was 10 my dad took me to Target with him, and made me do the most awkward thing a 10 year old boy can try to do. Impress women. Anytime a woman went to the door, pre-automatic mind you(it was the 90's after all), I had to hold the door open. That was it. We may have been there a total of 5 minutes, but I never forgot. In fact, to this day I don't think a single woman has ever had to open a door while I was around. I'm basically Tom Cruise in every romance involved movie he has ever done. Which is almost all of them.

I'm sure to my dad that seems like nothing, or he may not even remember, what with the oncoming mid-life crisis soon to come and all, but it wasn't. That alone, is why I try and be the nicest guy I can to everyone, and why I love to help others. That one day at Target is why I try and treat my girlfriends the absolute best I can, for as long as I can afford it, without digging a financial hole into something similar to our current economy.

What? Women are expensive things.

One time, I had to buy a girl a 5$ glass of water, because tap water didn't sound appetizing enough.
And one time I took a girl to a restaurant where the ticket was 75$ without tip.
Yeah, I'm a baller, or stupid. Probably both, but irregardless.
I would like to think I have become an intelligent respectful young man, and I'm proud of that.

So to the coolest most chill dad I have ever met, thank you.
I don't know who I would've become without you.
Probably a creep that makes everyone uncomfortable in public scenarios.
Probably a social hermit that makes incredibly strange things in the name of art.
Probably an emotionless shell that never actually acts like anything.
Essentially, thank you for keeping me from becoming Keanu Reeves.



I love you.