I Wish I Was A Baller

Sometimes life throws you a curveball like a relationship ending or some junior higher jacking your wallet, and you are supposed to be upset. You are supposed to spend time in grief, or prison. Depends how hard you hit the kid, and how fast you can run if the parents are in earshot. However, my upcoming lawsuit has nothing to do with this post. I evidently have no sense of emotional attachment anymore. 

After 3 hours of searching for my MIA wallet, and a thorough final run through with a dog that had my scent I was forced to let my hopes crash on the the rocky stones of reality. My wallet was long gone. Perhaps it is on a beach somewhere enjoying a Pina Colada, or in Narnia having some turkish delight...I can only hope it suffered such a delicious fate.

If I recall correctly the words I uttered at the time of this horrid defeat were, "Sometimes my life makes my heart hurt."

It's true. Beneath my Fabio-esque muscles my heart was hurting. Why? I'm not sure. It had all my information, but most of it is worthless. Maybe that is why it hurts. I had to acknowledge that nothing in that manpurse/wallet was of any real value to me. Should this jerk off of a junior higher actually steal my identity the most he could purchase is a used DeLorean on what little credit I have, and pray that he can hit the proper velocity to fly back in time and tell his mother to never have him. 

Why? Because I will find him, and give him a stern talking to..with my fist.

JKJKJKLOLOLOL

I would never do that. I am actually okay that my wallet is lost to the universe; I am actually okay that I am single; I am actually okay that my life is kind of simple right now.

Hell broke loose today in the form of a thieving child. 

However, someone else also told me today that they read my blog, and liked it alot. They said they were genuinely impressed, and despite being poor and identity-less. That meant a whole heck of a lot more.

I'm not sure why I am the way I am, but I kind of like it. Even if it is a tragically wallet-less lifestyle.

And to the child who stole my identity, enjoy my debt. Oh, and also my late fees that I owe almost every single movie rental facility in the city. Also, if you could build my credit up that would be nice.

KTHXBAI.